grrltastic: (Default)
2017-07-11 07:15 am

Cats, man.

 One of the cats, Sophie, is a walking collection of medical conditions. This has manifested in what's essentially a hunger strike, and she's almost literally starving herself to death in a free-feeding household. 

Good job, animal. 

The solution to this has been to feed her canned food, separately from the rest of the cats. However, she really only eats under supervision, so someone needs to sit with her while she licks at food for 45 seconds, wanders away, comes back, licks at food for 45 seconds, etc. Until she's managed to eat most of a half a can of catfood. 

This message brought to you by the reason why I'll be late to work today. :|
grrltastic: (rain)
2017-05-03 07:00 am


It is National Bike Month, and for whatever reason that has prompted me to actually get back into the bike commuter routine. Motivation is a strange and fickle beast.

Between Sunday night and Tuesday morning, I slept for 26 hours. I have no idea why. I seem to have recovered, though.


grrltastic: (rain)
2016-12-29 09:23 pm

Things that never really go away.

 I'm here,  on what is essentially the eve of my new life, missing 2011. Again. Still. I don't know. 

Objectively, I know that I was desperately miserable during that time. But at the same time, my good days were so much better than anything I get now. I was building myself up from scratch and had nothing but potential. And I knew it. 

I dunno. Stable, adult life is just so... tepid. I hate it. 
grrltastic: (tank girl)
2016-12-03 08:54 am

It's happening!

Today is Saturday.

Yesterday at work I officially accepted my offer, with a start date of January 9th.

Tomorrow Trish and I are going to look at a really lovely rental house in a pretty good neighborhood. We're also on the list go see a really fabulous town house in an excellent neighborhood kind of whenever the property managers there get their shit together. (Yes, rent in Portland is that high.)

On Wednesday I will take my last-ever final.

On Friday the term will end.

On Saturday I will commence my month-long nap, because I will have finally Done The Thing.
grrltastic: (tank girl)
2016-11-10 01:36 pm

Head in the sand

 Just FYI: My goal for the next 4 years is to do my best to ignore that a federal government even exists. Anything you can do to help support that is greatly appreciated. 
grrltastic: (tank girl)
2016-11-09 12:25 pm


The benefit of having shitty things happen in your 20s is that when shitty things happen in your 30s, you have a rough map for how to proceed. It doesn't suck any less, but I've got my knapsack packed and I know how to navigate the path ahead.

I graduate in 30 days and then I will be ready to fuck shit up. And fuck shit up I shall.
grrltastic: (computer science)
2016-11-05 12:02 pm

That light might still be a train


I have four weeks left of class, and then finals, and then I will receive the golden ticket to the rest of my life. I have been talking to recruiters and touring offices and interviewing with hiring managers. I am going to graduate soon, and I am going to have a job.

This is causing me really intense anxiety. Apparently somewhere along the way I learned that feeling hopeful about stuff is the quickest way to soul-crushing disappointment.

So that's fun. But, like, OMG. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.
grrltastic: (Default)
2016-10-28 06:47 pm

Therapy today was really hard.

Things that I am feeling really hard tonight: As an individual, there's only so far that you can get in terms of knowing other people. There's a certain amount of loneliness that you always have to live with.
grrltastic: (rain)
2016-10-26 04:22 pm


 We're going to get through the entirety of October with only 2 rain-free days. I am losing my goddamn mind. 
grrltastic: (menstrual dreamer)
2016-10-22 12:50 pm

The pitfalls of sustainable period options

This seems to be a topic of conversation lately, and I have a couple thoughts.

Gross! )

grrltastic: (rain)
2016-10-15 10:59 am

Net positive.

 Type, erase.
Type, erase.
Type, erase.

There are a lot of things going on in my head right now, and I'm having a hard time separating the threads enough to explain any of them with any degree of accuracy.

Posts forthcoming.
grrltastic: (rain)
2016-10-03 10:03 pm

False alarm

So, it turns out the rainy season is still a thing, and it still definitely fucks with my ability to be a happy, functional human.

Nothing to see here, move along. 
grrltastic: (menstrual dreamer)
2016-09-15 04:37 am

Headed to San Diego

 Blood in the Sky: Part 4
The Beachening
grrltastic: (summer)
2016-08-28 09:22 am

About face.

It feels like Portland and I have turned a corner over the past couple weeks. It feels like I might actually have a home here.

After years of being intolerably lonesome in this place, I have finally uncovered connections that feel real. This is, I'm sure, due in no small part to being on medication. I now have the ability to see out of my misery hole and take actions to bail myself out. This includes the ability to contact people and get the fuck out of the house.

It's also summer (though Portland summer will be ending abruptly on Tuesday, according to the weather forecast), which always helps. I think we'll wait and see how this trajectory plays out through the early weeks of the rainy season. If it continues, I will very happily stay in Portland. I will buy my adorable bungalow in a cozy neighborhood and I will have friends over to drink wine in front of the fire, just like I imagined would happen when I moved here.

Considering this kind of future is such an abrupt change from the "throw it all in the fire" place that I was in just a few weeks ago. The idea of committing to this place no longer feels like literal suicide. In the corner of my mind I feel like this is probably a trap, but there's only one way to find out.
grrltastic: (computer science)
2016-08-13 11:56 am

:incomprehensible noises:


This is equal parts exciting and terrifying.
grrltastic: (computer science)
2016-08-08 06:58 pm
grrltastic: (delirium)
2016-08-04 12:00 pm

One week in.

Far and away the best thing about my new brain drug is that it makes me feel like I'm living in a Thomas Kinkade painting. Everything has kind of an ethereal, glowing quality to it. You know, like this:

A cottage by a lake. The setting is surrounded by flowers.

(Note: Things are not literally glowing, but you know what I mean.)

But anyway. The drug has managed to take the weight out of the bad things in my life. I'm still super bored and stressed out, but those things no longer feel like immutable aspects of my life. I can see that they are addressable issues, and I can formulate plans to get them under control. It also no longer feels like a complete waste of time and energy to try.

It's pretty great.

grrltastic: (tank girl)
2016-07-23 10:39 am

And the shape of their goneness will flare up anew.

According to Facebook, seven years ago I was starting my first shift at the Animal Emergency Clinic of Central Texas. I have so many feelings about this.

That job dramatically changed my life, almost exclusively for the better. It introduced me to some of the best people I'll ever know, and opened far stranger doors than I'd have ever thought possible. My coworkers there introduced me to the Austin bike community, drank margaritas with me on Monday mornings, and were the people I went to as my marriage was dissolving in painful, violent ways. They were the people I went to as the clinic was dissolving in painful, violent ways. Even after the clinic collapsed and I left Austin, the ripples continued outward; I moved to Portland and started a job at an emergency hospital here, which enabled me to live in my first ever solo apartment, and is where I met Trish, and is where I decided that job fucking sucked and it was time to go back to school.

So thank you, Dr. Christy, for the opportunity. I wish there was more sweet than bitter in my memories of that place, especially towards the end. But maybe in another seven years I'll get there.

Goddamn, I miss those people.

grrltastic: (menstrual dreamer)
2016-07-13 10:31 pm

Now trending:

 So far this year I have taken three trips involving plane travel, and I have been on my period for every single one. WTF. 
grrltastic: (rain)
2016-07-10 05:30 pm

Plunging headlong into the future.

::looks at calendar for next six weeks::
::suddenly feels incredibly tired::