grrltastic: (tank girl)
 Day two of interviews went a lot more smoothly; I had a better idea of what to expect, and I was way less nervous. I feel like I came across as interesting, motivated, and competent.

However, I also know that there are 23 other very qualified candidates and only 11 positions to go around. I'm trying to keep a clear head and remain open to whatever happens, and I know that even if I don't get selected for a position this time around it's not because I'm unqualified or bad at what I do. It's a very centered feeling.

In theory placements will be announced on the 22nd, so now I'm left to shudder with...

Rocky Horror Picture Show: Anticipation

Pep Talks

Apr. 3rd, 2015 12:58 am
grrltastic: (Default)
 School has been back in session for a week, and I'm feeling very overwhelmed.

It's not so much the volume of work, because that's whatever. It's a lot and it's stressful, but that's what being in school is and I'm pretty used to it at this point.

Most of what's getting to me is the feeling like I'm less than my classmates; that I don't really deserve to be in these classes, that I'm not as smart or well-versed in the world of programming as my peers. I know that this is a bunch of impostor syndrome bullshit. I know that I have the appropriate skills and knowledge base to take on this material. I know that just because I find the material hard doesn't mean that I can't do it, and that I can't do it well. I know that just because I don't live and breathe programming doesn't mean I can't handle a tech career.

I just need to readjust my perspective, to focus on what I can do instead of what that one show-off, know-it-all kid can do. I'll be fine. I've worked really hard to get here, and I can totally do it.

Because I'm super great, dammit.

And you are, too.
grrltastic: (computer science)
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grrltastic: (computer science)
 Schools in Portland operate on a strange quarters system. Instead of Fall, Spring, and Summer semesters that are 14-16 weeks long, we get Fall, Spring, Winter, and Summer semesters that are 8-12 weeks long. Which, on one hand, means that I get to cram a whole lot o' learnin' into a shorter period of time. On the other, ow, my social life.

So we have 3 weeks left of our 8 week summer semester. I'd initially planned on having all sorts of free time to do fun things like "go camping!" or "take a road trip!" which mostly just turned in to "sit on the couch and do homework!" which is okay, but kind of oppressive. I've got about a month off between the end of Summer semester and beginning of Fall. We're going to take advantage of that time to do things like "go camping!" and "go to California for a week!", so the summer won't be a complete bust.

I met with the Computer Science advisor at Portland State University on Wednesday. I should be able to be finished by August '16, which feels like forever away right now, but is not actually and is actually packed full of a jillion credit hours per semester and a continued lack of social life, not that I had friends anyway.

The moral of the story is that school is eating my life, but it'll be worth it to not have to work with a bunch of crying people and their dead cats.
grrltastic: (tank girl)
 I have finished my first official week of full time school part time work and I think I can finally say, without a doubt, that this is absolutely the rightest choice I could have possibly made.

I am so completely stoked on this major and the things that it will do for my life. For better or worse, I get to meet new people and have new experiences; I'm looking forward to finding a whole new community of folks to spend time with. The core classes I am taking feel more like play than like work; despite the somewhat frenetic pace of summer courses, I find myself wanting to move ahead with further lessons.

And, finally, working two shifts per week cuts the amount of clinic drama I'm exposed to down to a tolerable amount. I can now afford to not give a fuck what ridiculous things they do.

To recap: YAY.

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