grrltastic | (no subject)

As I've progressed through my computer science curriculum, the programming assignments have gotten more difficult. I don't know why this surprises me, but it does. Continually. Anyway. I'm at a point now where I usually need several days' to a weeks' worth of time to get through program and make it work the way I need it to. Because I am a perfectionist ass, this makes me feel like a failure and like I don't deserve to continue this course of study. (Logically I understand that just because I have to work at something doesn't mean that I should just give up. It's just hard to convince my less logical parts of this.)

But today I sat down to work on an assignment that's due on Sunday and it all just came together exactly how I envisioned it and it worked and I turned it in and now I can do something else. Hooray! I'm not terrible at this!

This is especially relevant because I'll be registering for my first classes at the university in less than a month, and I'm terrified that they'll be able to tell that I don't really belong shouldn't be admitted to the program. Because, for some reason, a 4.0 GPA and a lifelong interest in computers and technology haven't really been enough to convince me that I actually deserve to be doing this. Brains ugh.