grrltastic (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
grrltastic) wrote2018-09-11 08:07 am
grrltastic) wrote2018-09-11 08:07 am
The sum total
I couldn't sleep last night, so spent a couple hours reading over my paper journal for this year. And holy shit. This year has been so hard and I have done so much work.
I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I was actually trying. Because I'd have hard conversations with Trish and nothing would change. I spent so much time just feeling like there must be something wrong with me.
But looking at the condensed timeline of the emotional pivot I made this year was really, really validating. And really, really sad.
I lost a lot and put myself through so much. But I'm making it work and doubling down on the idea of honoring my own happiness.
I'm really looking forward to not feeling like shit all the time. I think I'm almost there.
I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I was actually trying. Because I'd have hard conversations with Trish and nothing would change. I spent so much time just feeling like there must be something wrong with me.
But looking at the condensed timeline of the emotional pivot I made this year was really, really validating. And really, really sad.
I lost a lot and put myself through so much. But I'm making it work and doubling down on the idea of honoring my own happiness.
I'm really looking forward to not feeling like shit all the time. I think I'm almost there.