Preoccupation

 Trish has made it explicit that she will not live in Texas. This means that when I fantasize about running away to Austin, I have to face the idea of doing it without her. 

That is a sad thing, but I'm aware of the fact that I need to get the fuck out of this sunless mudbog regardless of the cost because I will literally die because I will literally jump off a bridge. 

However, I've realized that fantasizing about running away to San Diego is almost as satisfying (because there is sun and tacos and people who are not super goddamn white, even if 9/10ths of my friends don't live there) and it means that I can keep Trish in my ideal future. And if the cost of living in Portland continues to increase the same way, it'll soon be less expensive to live in SoCal. 

That is a nice thing. So for now I will occupy myself with dreaming about ranch houses that are within a short drive of the beach and spending my free time not holed up in a dank cave of an apartment.