Well, That Could Have Gone Better:

Facebook. My buddy, my guy.

I know it's been a whopping 6 months since I left my last relationship, but I feel like all of these engagement ring ads might be jumping the gun juuuuuuuuust a smidge. Just an itty bit. Just a skosh.

Things are definitely trending upward for me, which is great. I need to keep in mind, though, that this doesn't mean that every day is going to be 100% good. Having a setback, or a sad day doesn't mean that things aren't truly improving.

Recovery is not a straight line.

I couldn't sleep last night, so spent a couple hours reading over my paper journal for this year. And holy shit. This year has been so hard and I have done so much work.

I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I was actually trying. Because I'd have hard conversations with Trish and nothing would change. I spent so much time just feeling like there must be something wrong with me.

But looking at the condensed timeline of the emotional pivot I made this year was really, really validating. And really, really sad.

I lost a lot and put myself through so much. But I'm making it work and doubling down on the idea of honoring my own happiness.

I'm really looking forward to not feeling like shit all the time. I think I'm almost there.

(Title stolen from an old webcomic)

In addition to learning how to value my needs, how to respect my limits, and how to deal with loss that I was pretty sure would kill me, I'm also learning how to enforce my boundaries with other people. For the first time in my life, I'm cutting off people who are actively bad for me, and telling others to knock their toxic bullshit off.

I wish I'd learned how to do this 15 years ago.