In most areas of my life, I consider myself to be a skeptic. Mysticism is not something that tends to hold a lot of water for me. But every once in a while, I feel like a tarot reading can serve as a useful lens to focus my thoughts through. So, tonight I asked an internet tarot "What the fuck should I even be doing with myself right now?" and got this response:
Opportunity - The Seeker
You have the opportunity to start a new journey, with a beginner's mind. Is it time to hit the road, either metaphorically or literally? Every time you set out on a journey, even if it's only a one-day hike, you embark on a spiritual journey as well. Be open to all the twists and curves in the road ahead. Be ready for wonderful surprises. Be open-hearted, innocent, trusting and spontaneous. Take a risk! Before you is a brand new adventure — the chance for a fresh start and endless possibilities.
Challenge - Temperance
Resolution - The Lovers
You are being challenged to find the serenity of the middle way between polarities. You are ready to embrace the different parts of your personality, both light and shadow, that combine to make your own unique self. Your inner, spiritual life harmonizes with your life in the workaday world. You have discovered that your whole life is a work of art. You may be in need of healing on a spiritual or physical level, and the Winged One — a descendant of the ancient Bird Goddesses — is here to facilitate that for you. She may also aid you as you move into the role of healer yourself.
Resolution comes with looking deeply into your own heart and asking yourself if you are living a life full of passion and love. What gives you deep joy and fulfillment in your life? Whatever it is, are you pursuing it? When you are living an authentic life, pursuing your deepest passions, it is easy to love yourself and then to love others. If you have a choice to make, remember that the Lovers call upon you to always follow your heart's desire.
Which, as a whole, seems to be pretty spot on. I am currently embarking on a new journey, and am having a very difficult time striking a balance between wanting a solid future and wanting to run away and do stupid things because I am not currently living a life full of passion and love - I'm hoping that school will put me in a place where I can focus on these things, but for now I just have to do homework and be seasonally affected. My one qualm is that there is no descendant of the ancient Bird Goddesses here to fix my faulty serotonin valve and make me stop crying all the time for no reason.
So, I don't know. It doesn't change anything, but tarot readings always manage to make me feel looked-out for. It was better when Grace did them for me in Austin, but the sense of affirmation is still there. And I guess that's the important part.