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grrltasticI kind of decided that maybe I'm too responsible? That maybe I try to be too correct in everything and end up stressing myself out ALL THE TIME and never having any fun? Mostly this is because I have managed to give myself heartburn every day for the last two weeks and I am sick of tasting like acid and feeling like I am slowly eroding into nothingness from the inside in both a very figurative and also a very literal way.
So anyway. I loaded up my iPod before work today and listened to music on my ride because a 40 minutes with nothing to listen to but traffic is safer, but fucking boring. This worked out to my advantage, because on my very rainy, very dark ride home, I got to listen to Nine Inch Nails and Portishead and I feel really good about that choice.
I also chose to leave work an hour early because of the aforementioned heartburn, and also all of the clients were gone so it was just a bunch of paperwork bullshit that I am the only one who ever does even though I only work two days a week and I'm over it. I feel really good about that choice, too.
Unrelated, but worth mentioning, is that I'm on the cusp of deciding whether or not I even really like Portland all that much? On one hand, it was supposed to be so great! On the other, it's not really.
I've made a lot of excuses for this city: I'll like it when I'm not recovering from a car accident; but it's so pretty when the sun shines; it'll be better when I make some friends who will leave the house every once in a while; maybe it's just that I live in a shitty neighborhood where there are junkies and old, wet mattresses fucking everywhere and half the streets aren't even actually paved; I just need to not work every weekend, and then I can go do fun stuff! I'm kind of starting to think that maybe I just really don't like Portland.
So now I want to move to The South™. Like, NOLA or Athens, The South™. Because why the fuck not. It's time to make another huge fucking mistake/awesome decision with my life, and in 2016 (when I finally finish this stupid fucking awesome degree) it'll be way overdue.
This entry has been brought to you by too much fucking stress, I hate everything, and 3/4 of a bottle of beer.
So anyway. I loaded up my iPod before work today and listened to music on my ride because a 40 minutes with nothing to listen to but traffic is safer, but fucking boring. This worked out to my advantage, because on my very rainy, very dark ride home, I got to listen to Nine Inch Nails and Portishead and I feel really good about that choice.
I also chose to leave work an hour early because of the aforementioned heartburn, and also all of the clients were gone so it was just a bunch of paperwork bullshit that I am the only one who ever does even though I only work two days a week and I'm over it. I feel really good about that choice, too.
Unrelated, but worth mentioning, is that I'm on the cusp of deciding whether or not I even really like Portland all that much? On one hand, it was supposed to be so great! On the other, it's not really.
I've made a lot of excuses for this city: I'll like it when I'm not recovering from a car accident; but it's so pretty when the sun shines; it'll be better when I make some friends who will leave the house every once in a while; maybe it's just that I live in a shitty neighborhood where there are junkies and old, wet mattresses fucking everywhere and half the streets aren't even actually paved; I just need to not work every weekend, and then I can go do fun stuff! I'm kind of starting to think that maybe I just really don't like Portland.
So now I want to move to The South™. Like, NOLA or Athens, The South™. Because why the fuck not. It's time to make another huge fucking mistake/awesome decision with my life, and in 2016 (when I finally finish this stupid fucking awesome degree) it'll be way overdue.
This entry has been brought to you by too much fucking stress, I hate everything, and 3/4 of a bottle of beer.
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no subject
Date: 2014-04-07 12:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-08 12:22 am (UTC)My friend Dawn described Portland to me as a place where people move to because they want to be from somewhere better than they used to be from. And then they work hard to turn their chunk of it into that place they want to be part of, because on its own it's really just a nondescript west coast city with different kinds of strange people around. But that kind of, uh, home reno, isn't really everybody's cup of tea. If you want a place with its own character to kind of fit yourself into without having to smash the uncomfortable bits into the right shape--and I think this is a valid way to want to live--then I don't see Portland as really The Place To Be.